Sex

[Lou Barron]

Sex is like when you go to school you learn a lot and get better ,well sex is like that the more you do it the better you get at it

[Doc Vernon]

Wonder if that applies to everyone Lou! LOL!
cHEERS

[Charlie Hannah]

Marriage (Part I)
Macho man married good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said: 'No, that's fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...
whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
************************************************
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

*****************************************

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, '
What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

*****************************************
Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
*****************************************

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece
of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

*****************************************
God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

*****************************************

---------- Post added at 02:19 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:28 PM ----------

Yes, our grandmothers still had genuine knowledge of staying naturally healthy!!!

My granny lectured me about her practical knowledge:

“For better digestion, I drink beer, for loss of appetite I drink white wine,

with low blood pressure red wine, with high blood pressure cognac,

and whenever I have a cold, I drink Vodka.”

“And when do you drink water?”

“I have never been that sick!”

[Les Woodard]

Sex is like having a good crap. Once you have had it you do not require it for a while.

[happy daze john in oz]

Sex is like having a good crap. Once you have had it you do not require it for a while.

I sometimes have two craps a day and in my youth I think maybe three may have been the go!!

[john sutton]

sex.I vaguely remember that.Didnt it come under sports and pastimes?

[Louis the Amigo]

Hi shipmates.Is sex what you put potatoes in?

[cappy]

no louis you put your nuts in ......sorry if this is banter

[John Gill]

Actually it's what they put the rubbish out in Knightsbridge.

[robpage]

John , in Knightsbridge , it is what their Butlers put the rubbish out in