View Full Version : A Couple of Wrecks!....

5th August 2009, 06:24 PM
T. W. Connor

A 'dirty night' at the "Tiddlers Arms,"
Where the "Skylark" sailors meet,
And the wild waves wash the Southend Rock
And the Trippers wash their feet.

He was only a soft-roed sailor,
But proud of his Union Jack,
And he told me a tale of shipwreck
As we stood there, "knocking 'em back."

While the harbour lights were blinking,
The blinking harbour lights!
How much they know... yet no one knows
Why sausages wear tights!

Said he of the tarry whiskers,
"I was one of the lifeboat crew!"
I said, "Yes, get on with the story,
I'm a bit of a liar too."

One night we were waiting orders
At the sign of the "Saucy Whelk,"
When we heard the fog horn ringing,
And we rushed for our rum an' milk.

Then I ran home and told the Missis,
For there wasn't a moment to spare,
And I just stopped to feed the canary,
As there wasn't a. moment to spare.

Then I parted my hair in the middle,
And seeing her drop a tear,
I said to my wife, " Don't worry, dear...
Christmas will soon be here."

At last we got down to the beach, sir,
All dressed in our oilskin togs,
And the people started cheering
And calling us dirty dogs.

And there was the good ship "Glue-pot!"
With a cargo of soldiers' socks,
And a packet of seidlitz powders,
Stuck fast on the Almond Rocks.

Now see, she is sending up rockets,
And the villagers shout "Hooray."
For what with me and the fireworks,
They thought it was Guy Fawkes day!

But once in the boat with our "corks" on,
Each man was determined and dogged,
Though three of our crew had got the 'flu
And the anchor was water-logged.

"Who'll volunteer?" cried our Captain,
As he flourished a carving knife!"
Who'll volunteer to board that ship,
And elope with the Captain's wife?
And I was the man who did it,
For I know a woman's way.
I showed her a bill of a "Bargain Sale,"
And she came with me straight away.

And the Captain was so delighted
At losing his heart's desire,
His language put out the Lighthouse light
And set the lifeboat on fire.

And the names that Captain called us
Made even the codfish stare.
Then our boat turned suddenly upside down,
And there wasn't a moment to spare.

So we waved our umbrellas,
As all good sailors do,
Till the shipwrecked men on the sinking ship
Came and rescued the lifeboat crew.

And we shouldn't half get something
If we all got our deserts.
We should all be wearing medals now
Instead of sand-paper shirts.

But why are the church bells ringing?
Has the weather-cock laid an egg?
And who is that handsome lassie
With a lisp in her wooden-leg?

Oh, that's only a sailor's wedding.
For years he's been away,
Now he's giving her in December
What the promised her in May:

A beautiful golden wedding ring,
Making them man an' wife,
And to-morrow he'll get up in time for work
For the first time in his life.

So tell it in train and tramcar,
Or even a pirate bus,
How we didn't save the shipwrecked crew,
But the shipwrecked crew saved us!

Ronald Bagnall & Denham Harrison ( 1912 )

'Twas in '48 on a winter's night, on a broiling summer day,
The What's-'er-name sailed from port with a cargo of sherry and hay!
She'd seventy souls aboard 'er, dishonest, brave and true,
But ninety of that seventy-five were nigh in Timbuctoo.
The crew it numbered sixty-eight, the Captain several more,
The stokers numbered twenty-two and the brokers numbered four.
The first mate totalled thirty-one, the women numbered three
The children sixty-five all told and the rest had passage free.
Gratis nothing free my lads Nothing, gratis, free.
We'd been at sea for a year or more or nearly a month at sea.
Three days are long to feed a ship, when they all have passage free!
'Twas a foggy night and the stars shone bright, while the watch kept a bad look-out.
When all at once and after a bit and all of a sudden... a shout!!
"Brokers ahead! d'ye hear the cry?" We all got on our stumps.
And thro' the fog we 'eard the Captain cry "What he-. she does roll!
All hands on deck to clear the wreck, the wrecky deck to clear."
The men they called for smelling-salts, the women shrieked for beer!
Good old glorious beer my lads, not arf, four alf beer!
'Twas a beautiful sight to 'ear 'em as they shivered in the heat
To see the tramp of 'eavy 'ands the despairing clasp of feet.
Three cheers for the gallant Captain rang from a million throats
The men they mann'd the lifebuoys, and the women mann'd the boats.
We sent up signal rockets as they fell upon the rocks.
You might a' been at the Palace on a Thursday watching Brocks!
The Captain, brave and trembling was a block of the good old chip.
He`cross'd the bridge at midnight and was first to leave the ship.
A block off the old chip my lads, the first to leave the ship.
The cabin-boy then took command to boss he was athirst.
"Women and children stand back there and let the men go first."
The men poor frightened creatures soon were huddled in the boats.
While women filled by force their over-coats with Quaker oats.
Ah! see there looming just ahead, astern, now what is that?
A snail! A sail! A ship to save'? No oply a matinee hat!
"Just hand me a savage Woodbine", said a lady with a sigh.
The cabin boy he eyed his pipe and then he piped his eye.
Eyed his meersham pipe m' lads and merely piped his eye.
Again another ship comes by, "Hullo there! Who are you?"
"We're the "What's-'er-name and we're going down and you?"
"We're the Dunno-who!"

Doc Vernon
5th August 2009, 09:24 PM
Hello Davey,
A really nice one there mate!
Dont know where you get them but anyway i enjoy them all!:)

Louis the Amigo
6th August 2009, 12:10 PM
Hi Davey, my butty , new ones' on me, shades' of edward lear, with Capt m twain with a twist of nautical studies .:D:D:D

Michael Lawrence
7th August 2009, 08:10 AM
Dai Bach. I don't know where you get 'em from just keep 'em coming. Bloody great and a good laugh too. Will forward them to my lady friends of who I've one or two. But don't twll W.R. Mike:D:p;)