View Full Version : Elf'n saffety

vic mcclymont
26th August 2013, 08:10 PM
I require a new ASDL cable for my computer.
I visited Maplins the electronics shop and asked an assistant if they could fix a plug to the end of a cable.
"No sorry mate no cando" was the reply.
I just stood staring, wondering what to say next.
When the assistant replied "Health & Safety". Again I just stood staring and eventually walked off shaking my head.
Now was it H&S or were the buggers wanting me to buy a set of crimping tools at 15.00.
Makes you wonder, how we survived?

Chris Allman
26th August 2013, 10:19 PM
You should have gone in with your safety helmet on, orange overalls and steel toe capped boots, he would have done it then, no doubt.

26th August 2013, 10:48 PM
I suspect he really did not know how to do it

john walker
27th August 2013, 06:14 AM
I require a new ASDL cable for my computer.
I visited Maplins the electronics shop and asked an assistant if they could fix a plug to the end of a cable.
"No sorry mate no cando" was the reply.
I just stood staring, wondering what to say next.
When the assistant replied "Health & Safety". Again I just stood staring and eventually walked off shaking my head.
Now was it H&S or were the buggers wanting me to buy a set of crimping tools at 15.00.
Makes you wonder, how we survived?

I am a health & safety rep at my place of work and as such I am well versed in all aspects of day to day health & safety rules & regs. There is nothing in U.K. law to stop the guy from doing this. He either can not be bothered to do this or does not know how to and is using health & safety as a smoke screen.

27th August 2013, 06:29 AM
The problem is to crimp a plug on an ADSL or a Cat5 is it is easy to do but easy to mess up , if he did it as a favour for free , and wrecked the plug , or the contacts were not right , and you had to drive home then return , you would be angry and the shop would have to supply another plug . They supply leads with plugs attached Product Code A93CG or if you needed a cable attached then a junction box Product code FK76H . Rather than tell a customer that they need this and that and crimping a plug can be done incorrectly they tell you about the safety elf . You may also find that the insurers for teh company exclude working with tools from shop counter employees cover as they are not trained , and if the guy nipped his finger he would go sick and put an industrial claim in . Not so much Elf' and Safety but more like Lawyers for you , that is probably the real reason .

Louis the Amigo
27th August 2013, 06:43 AM
Hi shipmates counter sales people, are not allowed to do any eletrical work in store its in the staff manual its not about heatlh or safety but law!!! if an untrained person done it wrong? even a simple job like putting on a plug , and blew up you machine/eletricial goods or your house? his company would not like to pay you out, and he would be down the job centre in double quick time, The counter sales person told you the wrong reason. That why all new items come with plugs fixed.

27th August 2013, 07:25 AM
Looks to me like he had never been shown how to do the job rather than that darn elf excuse but there are way to many courses these days and all of them useless

A course to teach people how to go up and down a ladder -- these guys had been doing that for years and must have been doing something wrong to need a full day training (can you go the wrong way on a ladder even drunk i don't think i could go side to side on one )

After years at school and college followed by a stint at uni and they come up with the sitting down at a desk course -- if you are that dumb that you cant figure that one out in all them years then a change of career is advised but how long would it take to train them how to lean on a shovel or brush and would the local council be in need of extra staff for training purposes

I was recently in hospital not to far from boltonistan one of its satellite states i think you would call Blackburn i had tubes wires and probes stuck everyplace they could think of and no emergency button to call for help so had to wait till i saw someone and then ask for a drink of water (roughly every 20 mins for 3 hours ) when i did finally get a drink in a huge jug filled with ice (sounding good eh wait for it ) i got told off for drinking out of the jug and refusing to use the glass that came with it but hey i don't know who had splashed blood all over the glass or what they were in for all i knew was i sure as hell did not want it and got my big fat hairy ass out of there as soon as possible

So as far as elf and safety is concerned they need to prioritize things forget the sitting down course and ladder course how about a course on washing glasses in hospital

If them years at sea could not kill me off with storms and warzones im sure they will struggle in a hospital and i wont just lie there and make it easy for them

Captain Kong
27th August 2013, 08:06 AM
Hi Rocky,
Blackburn is on the hit list this year, as one of the failing Hospitals, I was very surpirised that Boltonistan was not on it this year, it was on last year when I was in,
For the second time in a couple of years I have unplugged myself, [ no H & S training required yet] and walked out. tho` first time I walked out and got hit by a car and was back inside the same ward and bed within 20 minutes.
Last year, went in and was accused of being a Drug Dealer, Loud Voice, " WE DO NOT GIVE MEDICATION TO DRUG DEALERS." Down the road I went and the end result was in Honolulu for a complaint they should have discovered
and that left me with only four days left to live without medication.
So Does Health and Safety cover the hospital treatments and the Nursing Staff??

Good Health

27th August 2013, 08:07 AM
got to agree on what you say there are so many laws passed by so few people often from another planet it is not true ...some new laws are good ie police checks on people working with children etc but in the last 30 years or so I think we have to many laws which take away......freedom of speech.....if idont like something for whatever reason ....based on my personal feelings why should I not be able to state that fact ....surely that is my right .....I find the majority seem to agree with me on most of the subjects that grieve me.....but somehow the law has been passed to give the minority more rights than I feel I have .....mention anything based on race ie Japanese ww2 germanyww2 or the countless people who use our nhs as a free service then scoot of without paying anything at all.....or sending money to the poor in Africa or india or any where elseand I am vilified.....if I don't like moslems or bush Baptists or mormans or other different people why can I not state this we are slowly being gagged while the minorities sit smug and grow stronger.....the tail now wags the dog

27th August 2013, 08:43 AM
Hi Brian

Yep have seen your posts on medical stupidity in some places and your run of bad luck the best treatment i have had local or at least within travel distance was at Fairfield in bury i was stuck in there with drips tubes wires and everything even the machine that went beep staff were great cleaners on ward at least 2 times a day same 3 guys in the ward for the full 3 weeks i was in there not 9 people in 3 beds in 12 hours like blackburn

The biggest problem i had was not the staff but another patient i wanted to put a pillow over his face every night a totally horrible person pretending to be sleeping when his wife came to visit refusing to get out of bed and sit in a chair while staff tried to change sheets and made their life hell ( just cos you are ill does not excuse you for bad manners and ignorance )

No angel myself i was told off a few times after the wires and drips were removed and i could get more than 2 foot from the bed raiding the linen trolley for clean sheets and making my own bed in the mornings to save the staff the trouble i was up showered bed made and reading the papers before the staff came to wake everyone for the daily meds session

But hey if they do a good job you try to make your stay as stress free for them as you can A good cabbie /waiter /barstaff get better tips only thing you can do for nurses is take away the stress

28th August 2013, 10:17 AM
Thought this may be an apt post to put this query. Up until about the 70"s or even the 80"s maybe. The lifebuoys were usually painted red and white on the canvas covering the cork or whatever it was made of. Nowadays lifebuoys are all high luminosity orange and do not require painting. Is there any regulation governing the colour nowadays. Or indeed the material they are made of. Cheers John Sabourn

28th August 2013, 06:09 PM
Rocky what a terrific story wish all of us were more attuned to nurses medical staff as you appear. I have only been in hospital as an adult a couple of times neither in UK. I recall the nurses & Dr's being terrific & like you I had a neighbour who snored for UK & had his TV volume up beyond normal. One thing I never understood was why they woke you at such an early hour? I just hope my health keeps up as do not wish to spend any time in hospital good one or not.

Louis the Amigo
28th August 2013, 06:54 PM
Hi Shipmates, When I look back to my few short years at sea, Did we have any Elf and safety? the only one I came across was on "ESSO" we had some kind of tickets? for gifts if we did not have an accident, But I could be in error? Captain Kong did you have anything like that?

Captain Kong
28th August 2013, 07:34 PM
Hi Louis,
Yes we had safety coupons for not having accidents, they had a catalogue and gifts for so many coupons.
I never got any as I was always having accidents.
I did hospitals in Al Khoba, Saudi, Martinez City near San Fransisco, Cape Town, Adelaide, Southampton Leith,
I guess I was a little unlucky

Louis the Amigo
28th August 2013, 08:16 PM
Hi shipmates, Hi Captain Kong, Thanks for the information but the old grey matter is not 100% on some things I remember the Safety first "Esso" but i did not get any gifts? dont think I sent for any, Sorry to hear about your accidents you would have made a forture, with todays no win, no fee, companys As I posted many times I was very lucky at sea no misshapes or accidents.one Remember the saying hand for the ship Captain Kong one for yourself ...

Captain Kong
29th August 2013, 11:26 AM
Thanks Louis,
ESSO was very very Safety concious, I guess they used me as an example.
I think it was a little expensive for them on my World Tour of Hospitals.
They did spend a lot of money on the Safety Conferences we had around the country, If on leave we with all our wives/girl friends invited as well to the best hotels on expenses tp London Birmingham Tyne, Glasgow and so on, these lasted three days each and were good fun really, after the full day conference on Safety a good meet up and drinks in the evening after dinner, during the day the Ladies were taken off in coaches to tour the area and they all got a gift from ESSO.
They were the best ever company to work for, the Best salaries for everyone. the best leave, two for one and then one for one. Excellent accommodation and food. A non contributary Pension for all Seafarers, I am still being paid after 25 years, They even paid for my son to go to University, he got a monthly allowance of them.
A two for one buy Shares in EXXON MOBIL, now worth a fortune. and many other benefits. All the years I was with them no one left, they all stayed with them.
You should have stayed.

Louis the Amigo
29th August 2013, 02:26 PM
Hi shipmates, Hi Captain Kong, I agree with you "Esso" was a good company to work for but the ships I was on, the jobs were taken on all the small ones by scottish crofters, and others the money and food was first class, but my job was not permenant i never sailed on any of the big ones never had one off the pool? I would have stay on the small ones if I could, ashore most nights and cash in hand,easy job if you could open a valve and use a spanner mooring was easy only on them for one and half years

john sutton
29th August 2013, 02:34 PM
chicken gun
The true story of the Chicken Gun. Too funny not to share! Sometimes it does
take a rocket scientist!

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch standard 4 pound dead
chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space
shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the
frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of
the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the
windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a
gun was sent to the British engineers.

When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled
out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to
smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's
back-rest in two, and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an
arrow shot from a bow.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment,
along with the designs of the windshield and begged the U.S scientists for

NASA responded with a one-line memo -- "Defrost the chicken." (True Story)

Ivan Cloherty
29th August 2013, 06:13 PM
Heard the same story John, but the nationalities were reversed, which sounds more plausible

29th August 2013, 07:13 PM
John why would that be even plausible Rolls Royce have been using these since the early 1960s at the Derby Engine Works for Aero Engines , in the development test area .here ius a 2008 Utube of a test on a Trent Engine


The chicken gun was first used in the mid-1950s at de Havilland Aircraft, Hatfield, United Kingdom. It was fired with a correct countdown from a 'pill box' housed in the woods at de Havilland's. The chickens were killed shortly before firing and obtained from a local farm also at the edge of the woods. After firing, the jet engines were taken away and examined for damage. High-speed cameras recorded the complete action.

Another early use of a chicken gun was by the Royal Aeronautical (Aircraft) Establishment (RAE) in Farnborough, UK in 1961.

The United States Air Force commissioned the AEDC Ballistic Range S-3 to test airplane canopies. The gun was later used to test other aircraft parts such as the leading edges of wings.
Pop culture

John It is a BRITISH INVENTION , Stop giving our heritage away ,

vic mcclymont
29th August 2013, 07:32 PM
A few months ago there was a programme on TV that featured that featured this test.
The programme was all about RR and their aero engines, the test developed by RR engineers was to fire a chicken at an engine under test. The test was to ensure that the resultant explosion as the engine disintegrated was contained by the outer engine covers.
The yanks heard about the test and asked for details, after a period of time they complained to RR that they could not even get near their results, apparently the yanks used frozen chicken.

Des Taff Jenkins
30th August 2013, 01:42 AM
HI All.
The chicken gun is still in use in many countries, mainly in Parliaments where the MP's are so chicken you could fire them from a gun and they would still not send illegals home.
Cheers Des


happy daze john in oz
30th August 2013, 05:16 AM
What happens to the chook after it hits the fan? Do they put it in a chiken Korma?????

Bob Petty
16th September 2014, 08:47 AM
I mind the time elf and safety consisted of a clip board and a blunt pencil.

16th September 2014, 10:54 AM
I remember when it was supposedly loss of sleep. Had to have 8 consecutive hours off in every 24. No one ever mentions this now in H and S. Costs too much money and means employing more people. JS